An Older Woman Appeared Under My Arm: How Far Should We Take “Give Way to Your Elders”?

The other day, I traveled a little farther afield to see an Awa Odori festival.

For readers outside Japan, Awa Odori is something like a Japanese dance parade. It originated as a regional tradition, but today it is held throughout the country.

Large groups of dancers passed right in front of me. At first, I was watching from behind the crowd, but then, by sheer luck, someone in the front row moved away. I immediately stepped into the empty space.

What a lucky break.

I had not pushed anyone aside. I had simply taken a spot that happened to become available. Still, the front row was the front row, and the difference in intensity was enormous.

After watching for a while, however, I began to feel that something was odd.

There was something under my arm.

I looked to the side and saw the face of a woman I had never met protruding from beneath my armpit.

For a moment, I could not understand what was happening.

Apparently, a woman who had been standing behind me wanted a better view and had pushed her head into the gap between me and the person next to me.

She was also fairly elderly.

She did not look as though she was in her eighties or nineties, though. She appeared to be about ten years older than me, probably in her late sixties or seventies.

Now I had a problem.

“Should I give her my spot?”

If she had been in her twenties, my reaction would have ended with, “Hey, don’t cut in.”

But the moment the other person is elderly, a moral lesson titled “Be Kind to Old People” suddenly begins playing in my head.

Even so, I had obtained my front-row spot fairly. She had not asked, “I can’t see very well. Would you mind letting me stand there?”

A face had simply sprouted from beneath my arm without warning.

In the end, I did not give up my spot.

After a while, perhaps realizing that it was not going to work, the woman gave up and went somewhere else.

“Caring for Older People” Is Not the Same as “Always Putting Them First”

Later, I gave the incident some thought.

In Japan, we have long been taught to respect our elders.

If someone is struggling on the stairs, lend them a hand. If they are carrying something heavy, help them. If someone on a train is clearly having difficulty standing, offer them your seat.

I think that is perfectly reasonable.

But somewhere along the way,

“Be kind to older people”

can be transformed into,

“Older people must always take priority over younger people.”

Those are not the same thing.

Trains have priority seats. They are designed to give priority to older people, pregnant women, people with disabilities, and others who are more likely to need a seat.

Conversely, there is no rule for ordinary seats that says, “A young person must stand up the instant an older person appears.”

Age alone does not tell us how tired someone is.

A 70-Year-Old Who Has Been Sightseeing and a 30-Year-Old Who Has Been Working

A similar story once became a topic of discussion online.

A group of energetic older tourists boarded a train after a day of sightseeing. Seeing young office workers seated on their way home from work, they complained, “Young people these days won’t even give up their seats.”

But when you think about it, that is a strange complaint.

A 30-year-old exhausted after working since morning, and an energetic 70-year-old who has spent the day enjoying the sights.

This is not a game in which the person with the higher number automatically earns the right to sit down.

If someone has weak legs, feels unwell, or is clearly struggling to stand, that is different.

What matters is not the number “70,” but whether the person actually needs help.

Respect for the Elderly Is Not a Pass to Cut In Line

At the festival, if the woman had asked, “Would you mind letting me watch from the front for a little while?” I might have given her my spot.

But in reality, by the time I noticed her, she was already under my arm.

This was less a question of whether we should care for older people and more a straightforward case of cutting in line.

Respecting older people is not the same as accepting bad manners simply because the person is old.

Help people who are struggling. Give up your seat to someone who needs it.

But do we really need to treat someone as vulnerable when she is energetic enough to push through a crowd and aim for the front row from beneath a stranger’s armpit?

At least on this occasion, I did not give up my spot.

Even now, I do not think I did anything particularly wrong.

After all, if she was energetic enough to stick her head under a stranger’s arm, she was energetic enough to find a better place to watch on her own.