Are Japanese Americans Cold? Looking at “When in Rome” from the Other Side

Looking at something from the opposite direction can lead to unexpected discoveries.

Recently, I read an interesting article by a Japanese person living in the United States. It said that quite a few Japanese Americans seem cold toward people from Japan and show little interest in their own Japanese roots.

Some apparently make it very clear that they do not want to be grouped together with Japanese people.

The article reminded me of something I experienced in the United States many years ago.

A Somewhat Cold Japanese American I Met in the United States

During a previous visit to the United States, I found myself caught up in a minor problem.

At the time, I could barely speak English and could not fully understand the other person’s explanation. While I was struggling, a Japanese American agreed to interpret for me.

But he began with a warning.

“I will interpret, but I accept no responsibility whatsoever for the outcome.”

I do not remember his exact words, but that was the message.

His manner felt very businesslike and a little cold.

Still, at the time, I was grateful simply to have someone interpret for me. He did help me, so I had no grounds for complaint.

Someone else, however, might have become angry and thought, “How can you act like that when we are both Japanese?”

Then a question occurred to me.

Why should we expect Japanese Americans to be kind to us merely because they are of Japanese descent?

Are We Arbitrarily Treating Them as Compatriots?

When Japanese people meet Japanese Americans overseas, we sometimes feel an unconscious sense of kinship.

We assume that because we share roots in Japan, they will surely take our side and help us when we are in trouble.

But they are Americans who were born and raised in the United States. They may not speak Japanese, and they may feel no special attachment to Japan as a country.

Yet we arbitrarily treat them as compatriots and call them cold when they fail to behave as we expected.

When you think about it, that is remarkably self-centered.

The Japanese American who helped me was not heartless. He was simply defining the limits of his responsibility so that he would not be dragged into a troublesome situation.

In fact, because he interpreted for me despite that risk, it would be just as reasonable to call him very kind.

The Other Side of “When in Rome”

When people discuss immigration, they often say, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

The idea is that immigrants should respect the culture and customs of their new country and adapt to the society around them.

By that standard, what should we think of Japanese Americans whose families have lived in the United States for generations and who have fully integrated into American society?

They are exemplary success stories.

But looking at the issue from the opposite direction raises another question.

During the process of assimilating into the local society, might some people lose interest in their Japanese roots or dislike being grouped together with other Asians?

People who once faced discrimination and prejudice built their social position over a long period of time. It would not be surprising if some came to feel, “I do not want to be treated like a foreigner again.”

Still, adapting to the local society and denying one’s roots are not the same thing.

On the other hand, it is also unreasonable to demand that people retain a special attachment to a country their ancestors left generations ago.

In the end, perhaps the contradiction is ours: we say, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” while also expecting anyone with Japanese ancestry to behave like a Japanese person.

The Person Who Helped Me Most Was Mexican

Now let me return to that problem I encountered in the United States.

The person who actually helped me most was not the Japanese American, but a man from Mexico.

He was also the one who persuaded the Japanese American to interpret for me in the first place.

In other words, the interpreter helped me because the Mexican man stepped in.

He had no particular connection to Japan, but he was genuinely kind.

Ever since then, I have had a very favorable impression of Mexicans.

Of course, meeting one kind Mexican does not prove that all Mexicans are kind. I understand that.

Even so, whenever I hear the name Mexico, I still remember the kindness I received that day.

Meanwhile, some people experience one slightly businesslike response from a Japanese American and conclude that Japanese Americans are cold.

Ultimately, our impressions of people from other countries can be formed that easily from a single personal experience.

We may speak grandly about nationality and ancestry, while our judgments are based on the behavior of a few people we happened to meet.

The Unexpected Gift of a Cold Attitude

Ironically, that experience left me with a slightly worse impression of Japanese Americans. At the same time, the man’s cold manner gave me a powerful reason to study English.

I decided that I never wanted to depend on a stranger’s help again simply because I could not understand the language.

Today, I can use English reasonably well.

I am still grateful to the Mexican man. And in a sense, I am grateful to the Japanese American too.

After all, if I run into trouble in the United States again, I will no longer need a Japanese American to step in.