The Illusion That “Japanese People Are Kind”: The Public and Private Faces I Saw on a Train

The other day, I came across a post on social media from someone overseas who said that no one had offered their seat to a pregnant woman on a crowded train.

Alongside the sympathetic responses were comments like these:

“What does your pregnancy have to do with anyone else?”

“We’re tired after working all day too.”

Those are rather harsh opinions.

Personally, I think people should offer their seats to pregnant women and others who need them. But whether we can impose that on everyone as an obligation is a different question.

The person sitting down may have circumstances of their own. They may have a health problem that is not visible.

Still, the discussion on social media made me wonder:

Would Japanese people respond more kindly?

People overseas often say that the Japanese are helpful and kind. It is true that many people in Japan behave politely in public.

But does that really mean they are kind human beings?

As I thought about it, I remembered something I once witnessed on a train.

What Someone Said After a Wheelchair User Had Passed

One day, I was riding a train. It was not packed, but it was somewhat crowded.

A wheelchair user was trying to make their way toward the door to get off.

“Excuse me, please let me through.”

When the person spoke, the passengers around them made room. No one complained. Everyone shifted so the wheelchair could pass.

It was a polite scene that seemed very Japanese.

But immediately after the person had gone by, one of two young women nearby muttered:

“You’re in the way. Don’t get on the train.”

She even clicked her tongue in annoyance.

I was rather surprised.

Only moments earlier, she had silently moved aside. The instant the person was gone, this was what she said.

What I had witnessed was outward politeness and the blatant resentment hidden underneath it.

Politeness and Kindness Are Different Things

In Japan, people are strongly expected not to inconvenience others in public. So when a wheelchair user needs to pass, people make room.

It is behavior that people have learned as a social rule.

But making room does not necessarily mean that they feel goodwill or compassion toward the person.

Perhaps they are simply conscious of how others will see them. Perhaps they merely want to avoid the trouble that would come from complaining.

Conversely, a society in which people make room even while privately feeling resentful is, in its own way, fairly well designed.

Still, saying that this happens because “Japanese people are kind at heart” is something of a leap.

The ability to behave politely and the feeling of compassion for others are two different things.

Japanese People Are Not Uniquely Kind

I do not believe Japanese people are exceptionally kinder than people in other countries.

Some are kind, and some are cold. Some help people in trouble, while others find them inconvenient.

That is probably true in every country.

If Japan has a distinctive trait, it may be that many people suppress their private dissatisfaction and behave as society expects them to.

As a result, foreign visitors see a polite and helpful society.

That is not a bad thing in itself. In fact, it is far easier to live in than a society where everyone freely directs their frustration at others in public.

But there is no need to idealize the character of Japanese people as a result.

Perhaps Japanese people are not inherently kind. Perhaps they live in a society that expects them to behave kindly.

The young woman I saw on that train did properly make room while the wheelchair user was in front of her.

Japan’s manners education has certainly succeeded.

At least well enough to teach people when to time their insults.