Where Have All the Kind Japanese People Gone? The “I Cannot Take It Anymore” Hidden Behind the Smile

In this blog, I have written several times about European attitudes toward human rights.

People say noble things about human rights and equality, yet think nothing of treating Asians with prejudice. It is a remarkably convenient commitment to human rights.

I have also written about why Islam is viewed with caution in Japan, and about friction between religion and society.

But then a thought occurred to me.

Are Japanese people really in a position to sound so self-righteous?

Japanese people are supposedly tolerant toward foreigners, polite, and kind.

We believe that image ourselves, but what are we actually like?

What Japanese People Really Think Can Be Surprisingly Frightening

When I talk with my wife, I occasionally hear a deep wariness of foreigners, particularly people from Muslim countries.

“If they come to Japan, I do not want them imposing their religion or rules on us.”

It is a claim often seen on YouTube and elsewhere, but hearing it from my wife makes me realize that it is not confined to the internet.

Similar sentiments sometimes emerge when I talk with friends.

People who are usually gentle and polite to everyone can voice remarkably harsh opinions about foreigners when they are among close friends.

It is not only immigration, now a pressing issue. There is also considerable resentment toward the arrogance of Westerners.

Yet if a foreigner were standing in front of them, they would probably respond with a smile and kindness.

This is the Japanese specialty of honne and tatemae: private feelings and public behavior.

In public: “Welcome to Japan.” In private: “We would rather you did not come.”

It is quite an advanced form of customer service.

Perhaps Japanese People Are Not Peaceful, but Simply Bad at Confrontation

Some time ago, a Korean resident of Japan made an interesting observation about Japanese people.

“The unpleasant thing about Japanese people is that they suddenly slash at you.”

Of course, this was not about knives.

It meant that someone who had said nothing and kept smiling might one day abruptly end the relationship or express an absolute rejection.

The observation struck me as strangely convincing.

Japanese people do not directly tell others when they are dissatisfied.

“Anyone should understand that.”

“They should know without being told.”

Thinking this way, they simply endure it.

But the other person knows nothing. They were treated kindly yesterday and today, so naturally they assume there is no problem.

Then one day, the Japanese person’s patience reaches its limit.

“I cannot take this anymore. Get out!”

The person hearing this must be astonished.

After all, no one ever told them what was supposedly being endured.

Japanese people often say that they value harmony.

But perhaps they are merely avoiding troublesome arguments.

Not fighting and being unable to fight are entirely different things.

Bringing Up Pearl Harbor May Be Taking the Argument Too Far

While thinking about this, I remembered an analysis I once heard from a military commentator.

Just before the Pacific War began, the American side still believed there was room for diplomatic negotiation. Japan, meanwhile, had already convinced itself that war was the only remaining option.

Then Japan attacked Pearl Harbor.

It is admittedly reckless to place war between nations and everyday human relationships on the same level.

Even so, I sense a similar pattern.

The other side still believes discussion is possible.

Our side has decided that further discussion is pointless.

Then, without warning, we resort to the final measure.

The person who was smiling yesterday launches a Pearl Harbor attack today.

No one on the receiving end could tolerate that.

“You Should Have Known” Does Not Work with Foreigners

Among Japanese people, some things can be understood without being put into words.

Facial expressions, tone of voice, and the atmosphere in the room.

But it is unreasonable to expect that from foreigners whose cultures and customs are different.

For example, if a religious practice causes concern, we should explain what the problem is.

What is permitted in Japan, and what cannot be accepted?

If the other person does not know, there is no choice but to put it into words.

Japanese people, however, are not good at this kind of discussion.

They dislike the very fact of disagreeing with someone.

So they say nothing, let their dissatisfaction accumulate, and ultimately reject the other person’s very presence.

From a foreigner’s perspective, this makes Japanese society extremely difficult to understand.

People are kind, yet their true feelings remain hidden.

No one warns you about anything, yet somehow you eventually find yourself disliked.

Japanese kindness comes with terms of service. They are simply not written anywhere.

Japanese People Are Not So Admirable Either

We laugh at the contradictions in European attitudes toward human rights and criticize the religious demands made by foreigners.

There is nothing wrong with that in itself.

But Japanese people have some rather troublesome traits of their own.

They do not voice dissatisfaction. They do not argue. They expect others to understand without being told.

Then, once their limit is exceeded, they suddenly reject the other person.

Calling this “Japanese modesty” is a little too convenient.

If we are going to live alongside foreigners, we should say so when something is unacceptable. If we think their argument is wrong, we should challenge it directly.

If we cannot do that and merely keep smiling on the surface, nothing will be resolved.

Come to think of it, Europeans speak of human rights while discriminating against others.

Japanese people act kindly while rejecting others in their hearts.

Both are remarkably skilled at being two-faced.

If there is a difference, Europeans voice their views and get into arguments, while Japanese people remain silent, endure their frustration, and one day abruptly ban the other person from coming back.

And until the very end, they believe, “I have been putting up with this all along.”