Why Doesn't Ukraine Bow Its Head? The Rules of Asking for Help That Japanese People Find Hard to Understand

While browsing an online forum, I came across this post about Ukraine:

“If Ukraine is the one receiving help, why does it act so entitled?”

When you put it that way, it is indeed puzzling.

Ukraine has been invaded by Russia and receives vast amounts of military and economic aid from Western countries. Yet it forcefully demands more support and sometimes criticizes the countries helping it.

By Japanese standards, the first thing to do would be to bow and say, “Thank you very much. Please help us.”

But an interesting reply came from a Japanese person living in Australia.

They said that overseas, constantly bowing your head the way Japanese people do can actually work against you.

When I read that, I thought: that makes sense.

Bowing Your Head Does Not Necessarily Bring Help

In Japan, when someone in trouble humbly asks for help, the people around them tend to sympathize and lend a hand.

If the person seeking help makes forceful demands instead, they may provoke resentment: “Who do you think you are?”

That is why Japanese people become especially deferential when asking for a favor.

Overseas, however, things apparently work differently.

Unless you assert your rights and abilities, other people will not recognize them.

You need to state clearly, “This is what I can do,” and “This is the treatment I deserve.”

If you stay silent and expect the other person to understand without being told, as Japanese people often do, you may simply be ignored.

Humility may be considered a virtue in Japan, but it does not necessarily work to your advantage in another society.

Ukraine Is Negotiating, Not Asking for a Favor

Seen from that perspective, Ukraine’s assertive diplomatic posture begins to look a little different.

Ukraine is not merely pleading, “Please help us because we are a poor, unfortunate country.”

Its argument is: “If Russian aggression is allowed to succeed here, your own security will be affected next.”

In other words, supporting Ukraine is also in the interests of the countries providing that support.

This is not a plea for sympathy. It is a negotiation between equals.

Ukraine strongly criticizes delays in aid and expresses dissatisfaction when promises are not kept.

To Japanese eyes, it can look arrogant for a country receiving help to behave that way.

But with their country’s survival at stake, Ukrainians cannot afford to be reserved.

They probably do not expect that if they remain silent and keep bowing, someone will understand what they need and come to their aid.

The Story of Two Foreigners in Australia

The reply from the Japanese resident of Australia also included a story from their own experience.

It happened when a local government agency was helping them find work.

The Japanese respondent was offered a factory job.

Another foreigner who was also looking for work was likewise offered a factory position.

But that person spoke English well and had a university degree.

So they protested forcefully: “I graduated from university. Why are you sending me to work in a factory?”

Apparently, they had quite an argument with the person in charge, but in the end they were offered an IT-related job.

The Japanese respondent, meanwhile, did not particularly object to the factory job they had been offered and simply started working there.

And they never managed to leave factory work behind.

The contrast is fascinating.

From a Japanese perspective, complaining about a job someone has found for you would seem rude.

After someone has gone to the trouble of helping you, you should first be grateful and do the work.

It is a thoroughly Japanese attitude.

But from the perspective of the person assigning the jobs, if someone says nothing, the natural assumption is that they are satisfied with the position.

The other foreigner, by protesting forcefully and clearly communicating their abilities and wishes, brought another option onto the table.

The respondent experienced firsthand the different outcomes produced by silently accepting an offer and strongly asserting oneself.

A Clash of Rules Is Happening Inside Japan Too

Reading this story reminded me of something else.

I thought about the friction currently occurring between Japanese people and foreign residents inside Japan.

One source of that friction is the issue of foreign residents who do not follow Japanese rules or customs.

From a Japanese perspective, anyone living in Japan should naturally adapt to Japanese rules.

Do not inconvenience others. Follow the rules of the local community. Consider the other person’s position before pushing through your own demands.

But for someone raised in a different culture, it may be natural to object to anything they find unreasonable and assert their rights.

Japanese people ask, “Why come all the way to Japan only to insist on doing things your own way?”

The other person, meanwhile, may wonder, “Why am I not allowed to express my opinion?”

There is a difference in cultural assumptions here.

Understanding a cultural difference, however, is not the same as accepting every demand the other party makes.

Anyone living in Japan still needs to follow Japanese law and the rules of Japanese society.

If everything is excused with “It cannot be helped because the culture is different,” local residents will ultimately be the ones forced to put up with the consequences.

Understanding another person’s culture is necessary, but it is not a reason for Japan to make all the concessions.

Japanese Humility Is Not a Bad Culture

I believe that Japanese humility and the culture of anticipating another person’s needs are virtues.

When someone is in trouble, people offer help even without being forcefully asked. The person making the request also considers the burden they are placing on the other party.

There is something quite beautiful about that kind of relationship.

A society in which nothing happens unless everyone asserts their rights is not necessarily an easy place to live.

But this virtue works only when the other person shares the same values.

Japanese people abroad may lose out by remaining silent.

Conversely, foreigners in Japan may clash with those around them by asserting themselves too forcefully.

Both are probably the result of bringing the common sense of one’s home country into another society unchanged.

What matters is recognizing that some people in the world operate by different rules.

Assert yourself when necessary overseas. And ask people who come to Japan to understand the rules here.

I think that is enough.

Still, even if a Japanese person abroad summons the courage to declare, “I have rights too!” they will probably finish by adding, “I am sorry for being so selfish.”

Foreigners who come to Japan, meanwhile, may wonder why Japanese people never say anything.

They assume everything is fine because no one objects—until one day people suddenly explode and shout, “Foreigners, get out!”

Coexistence is not easy.